Oversharing Online

 A Note on Social Media 

I remember it vividly. In high school, I never gave much thought to Instagram followers, my feed, or social media in general. Between taking half my classes online and traveling constantly for horse shows, I rarely attended a full week of school in person. I was busy, and social media just wasn’t a priority.

That changed when I got accepted into a large private university in Texas. I moved into my dorms, excited and eager to meet new people—and I did. But almost immediately, everyone I met asked for my social media handles. As the follow requests came in, I started feeling self-conscious. These girls had thousands of Instagram followers and perfectly curated feeds. Compared to my few hundred and mismatched photos, I suddenly felt behind.

I wondered—were their lives really that perfect? Did they always have candid photos, exciting adventures, and endless friends? Then I learned the truth.

One day, I was invited to a picnic by a group of girls I’d just met. I was excited to connect, enjoy the food, and take in the beauty of the lake. I dressed nicely, but when I arrived, everyone else looked like they were ready for a fashion shoot. Before anyone could eat, the focus shifted to taking pictures—individual portraits, group shots, carefully arranged poses. It went on and on. The afternoon felt more like a photoshoot than a picnic.

The short video I Forgot My Phone captures the exact feeling I had that day at the lake—surrounded by people but disconnected. 

I left feeling disappointed. But slowly, I fell into the same pattern—curating my posts, taking pictures everywhere I went, constantly worried about how I appeared online. I struggled to connect with these girls before the social media trap set in, and after it, conversations revolved mostly around editing apps, Instagram comments, or what we were wearing to dinner. It was hard to build real connection in a world that felt filtered.

What factors influence whether Facebook (or other social media) leads to negative or positive mental health outcomes? 

An important and crucial point to make is that I do not say all this to gain superiority over the girls in my story, but rather to explore the personal implications of using platforms like Facebook or Instagram in a certain way. Some people use social media for genuine connection and support, while others fall into patterns of comparison, envy, and perfectionism. I’ve experienced both.

Facebook and other social media platforms offer countless benefits for maintaining and developing social connections. They allow people who might never meet in person to communicate and build relationships. These platforms also create spaces for meaningful discussions about mental health, grief, illness, and loss (Adler et al., 2023; Pearson et al., 2021). They help geographically distanced friends or family stay connected, allow people to find like-minded groups, and offer opportunities to share and discover new ideas. Social media can even strengthen existing relationships by supplementing face-to-face interactions. These kinds of uses have been linked to positive mental health outcomes (Adler et al., 2023).

So yes, when used intentionally—to maintain friendships, discover support, or express oneself—social media can absolutely benefit well-being. But it’s also true that these same platforms can lead to negative mental health outcomes, especially when overused or used in ways that prioritize image over authenticity.

As Adler (2023) notes, “Overuse of mediated communication can take a toll on physical and mental health.” One major factor is how curated social media has become. It’s essential to remember that most of what we see online today is filtered, edited, or staged to some extent. And for many users—especially younger ones—this creates unrealistic expectations. One study even revealed that about 32 percent of teen girls said that when they felt bad about their bodies, Instagram made them feel worse (Adler et al., 2023).

I can relate. The girls in my story may have had good mental health—I'll never know for sure—but I do know that my obsession with crafting a perfect online image took a toll on mine. I was constantly stressed about getting the next Instagram-worthy photo, gaining followers, looking flawless. It pulled me away from the moment and made my social life feel shallow. Instead of forming deeper bonds with my peers, I stayed stuck at the surface level—performing rather than connecting.

This image perfectly represents how curated social media can become—and how it rarely reflects real life. 

So, what influences whether social media helps or harms our mental health? A lot depends on how we choose to use it. Whether it serves as a tool for connection or comparison, authenticity or performance—that part is on us.

Do social networking sites have any responsibility in promoting mental health in their users? 

My all-embracing and passionate answer is no.

I say that as someone who’s been on both sides of the coin. I’ve used social media in ways that were harmful to my mental health—comparing myself to others, obsessing over likes, and curating a version of myself. But I’ve also used it to connect with friends and family, gain inspiration, and share joyful moments without pressure. And because I’ve lived both extremes, I now use social media the same way I used to: casually, without much thought or care for perfection. That’s because I’ve realized something important—how we use these platforms is ultimately our own responsibility.

That’s not to say I don’t support mental health campaigns or research conducted by these companies. In fact, I think those initiatives are valuable and can even be life-saving for some users. But I still don’t believe that promoting mental health is their responsibility. It’s ours.

According to Alder (2023), while mediated communication can contribute to feelings of anxiety, loneliness, and low self-worth, many of the most harmful effects come from overuse or from how people engage with the platform—not the platform itself. Social media isn’t forcing anyone to obsess over their body, chase likes, or rely on comments for validation. These are learned behaviors—habits we fall into, and ones we can unlearn.

Just like with anything else—food, entertainment, even friendships—there’s a healthy and unhealthy way to engage. I don’t believe it’s up to social media companies to parent us through that. Their platforms are tools. It’s up to us to decide how we use them.

References 

Adler, R. B., & Proctor, R. F. (2023). Interplay: The process of interpersonal communication (15th ed.). Oxford University Press.

Pearson, J. C., Nelson, P. E., Titsworth, S., & Harter, L. (2021). Human communication (6th ed.). McGraw-Hill Education.